You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
