My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
