my phone cant type all the emotion im having
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
