i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
