And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
