party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
