Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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