I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
