I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
