When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Randomize
