mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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