i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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