I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
