there was a trapeze. enough said
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
i am craving dick and cupcakes
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
