at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
