9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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