theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
