If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
