Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
