Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
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