Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
