Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
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I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
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Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I will be naked everywhere
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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