My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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