no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
i think i just lost a toe
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