just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
