Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
We had to coat check the pizza.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
