Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
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