He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
