i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Randomize
