i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
