it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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