he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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