She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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