I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
