is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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