Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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