I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
