My sheets look like a crime scene.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
