So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
