idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
