I think my fart just growled at me.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
