Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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