Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Randomize
