hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
How does it feel to date your dad?
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
