My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
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