turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
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i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance