I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.