they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
