I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
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He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
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Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house