Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Randomize
