watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
