I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Randomize
