Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
The Olympian is in my bed
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
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