you guys were way drunker than both of me
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
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He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize