It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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