Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
