Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
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