it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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