Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
You ever have a fart follow you around?
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