last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Randomize
