it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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